You are the problem AND the solution!

You are the problem

No one likes to hear that though right?

Well, you are.

Now that the bad news is out of the way, here’s some good news.

You are also the solution

There’s just one caveat:

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. quote by Albert Einstein

 

The phenomenon above is exactly why people who do the most blaming and complaining, can’t see why it’s an issue. Those who take little to no responsibility for their actions aren’t likely to understand that they are also the solution.

However, despite this limitation, I’m hoping this post helps to change someone’s consciousness so that he/she can recognize solutions and change the game!

The Blame Game 

Often, when things aren’t going our way, we tend to blame others.

  • In relationships, it’s the other person’s fault things went to pure hell.
  • At work, it’s your boss’ fault you didn’t get that promotion.
  • No job? No money? Broke? It’s The Man’s fault.
  • Kids acting up at home? It’s the school’s fault.
  • Kids acting up at school? It’s the parents’ fault.
  • Got drunk and ugly things happened? Blame it on the alcohol. (*chuckle* LOL 🙂 )
  • Your life is just pure suckage? It’s EVERYBODY else’s fault!

I could go on and on…

Tell the truth, you know someone who always blames other people for their problems or maybe you’ve caught yourself throwing blame across the table.

Listen, YES, in life sometimes sh$t happens. Circumstances out of our control occur that directly or indirectly affect our lives. I get that and am not negating that simple truth.

But what I don’t get or like is the constant pity party, the pointing of fingers, the complaining, the blatant disregard for personal responsibility, and the fact that a lot of people don’t like to seek answers or solutions. They love playing the blame game.

What they fail to realize is blaming others is a wasteful action – a waste of time and energy. 

I posted the status below on Facebook a while back and one of my friends asked if it was this simple (that we are also our solution). See my response below.

facebook status and comments regarding the blame game

Where Does Your Responsibility Lie?

One thing we all have in common is problems. As long as you’re living, you’re gonna run into some problems. There are no ifs, ands, or buts around it.

The interesting thing about that is this:

The problem isn’t necessarily the problem; it’s how you handle the problem that’s the real problem.

Everyday, we make all kinds of choices and decisions – what to eat, how to raise our children, when to leave for work (are you always running late but blaming other drivers for being in your way???), etc.

And when we find ourselves wondering how we ended up in a certain place (physically or emotionally), confronting our own choices can feel challenging. We find it easier to see where others were wrong and may even feel good that we are not responsible.

Here are some personal examples:

  • I blamed the public school system for not preparing me well enough when I got my first C ever in college; not myself who was so cocky after being valedictorian and thinking I didn’t have to study much…
  • I blamed a family member for embarrassing me at the grocery store after he gave me an empty gift card to spend; not myself for failing to check the balance on the card first knowing that the giver is a very untrustworthy person…
  • I blamed a fellow writer once for giving me the incorrect source to a story; not myself who could have easily checked its validation before publishing…

You see how easy it is to throw blame elsewhere? But do you also see that I realize my part in the choices I made?

I didn’t take the time to understand this back then but now I’m at a place where I can recognize my part before pointing my finger at someone else a whole lot faster – and the place I’d like you to be.

So back to those decisions we make daily. Think about any problem you have right now. You have the choice to decide how you’ll react and what you’re gonna do about it.

Even if you can’t physically do anything about a problem or situation, you have the power to change your thoughts about it which aids in how you handle the situation overall. Certainly, constant complaining won’t help solve it.

But where does your responsibility lie?

All the decisions you’ve made to this very point are yours to own and you are responsible for them!

Did you know that blaming others takes away your sense of your own power? Once you stop pointing fingers, you’re left with just yourself.

You already know that you can’t change other peoples’ actions – only your own. So you gotta figure out how to get over the humps and bumps of life the best way you can. 

So wherever you find yourself right here right now, somehow you made an appointment to be here, which means either you invited it on purpose or by pure neglect.

In either case, accept responsibility for your life situation as it is. Don’t like it? Change it! Find a way to do something about it.

You are the one who has set in motion the ’cause’ that has shaped your present circumstances, and you are also the one who can set a new cause in motion…

You Are The Solution!

Now that you know you’re the problem and understand that you have some responsibility in where you are right now in your life, it’s time to learn how to BE the solution.

Consider these ideas to stop blaming others and regain your own power:

  • Take complete responsibility for your own life and accept the consequences of your choices. Regardless of your situation, acknowledge that only you decide how your life is going to manifest.
  • Although your problem could be the direct result of someone else’s decision, it’s your responsibility to control your reaction.
  • From here on out, consider it a cop-out when you blame someone else for the choices you make.
  • Learn from the past. Consider a couple of specific incidents when you blamed another person for your choices. How did those situations turn out in the end? Did you lose a friend? Is a family member estranged from you? Rarely does anything positive come from blaming another person for your situation.
  • Think before you blame. If you catch yourself blaming someone else for a situation in your life, ponder it thoroughly before saying anything aloud. Ask yourself what really happened. Who did what? What was your own part in this? How did you react? What were your options? How could you respond in the future to change the outcome? 
  • Don’t be afraid to seek third party assistance. Too often people discount therapy and counseling. But read that quote by Albert Einstein above again. You may not be in the frame of mind to ‘see’ a way around the problem so getting help could very well be your solution!

Over to you…

Today, I challenge you to make it a point to notice when you are playing the blame game. 

In what situations do you find yourself blaming others for your own choices? How can you prevent that from happening again?

Wassuper, it’s yo girl, Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different and challenge what’s “normal!” I am wildly passionate about helping highly driven women pursue fantabulous relationships, juicytastic careers/bizzes, and authentically inspired lives.

You Are The Problem AND The Solution

Must Reads:

  • Excellent post, Kesha! I loved it!

    Of course, you already know this is right down my alley. I have an immense love for messages that sharpen others to be their truest and best selves. This is such a message, my friend. Thank you for sharing it with us. There’s really not much one could add, to the truths you’ve so well put on display here in this post.

    The only thing I have to say concerning the post is that acceptance does wonders, when we are willing to hear the truth from ourselves.

    Blessings.

    • Ahhhh, you said it my friend – we must be WILLING to hear the truth! That’s the first step; after that it should be simple (albeit maybe not easy or smooth) sailing. 😉

  • Holy BANANAS!!!! This is seriously one of your chef d’oeuvres, girl!! YES YES AND YES AGAIN! I feel you on that comment you made on fb…it really is simple to take responsibility for your life and actions!! And, it’s empowering! Once you *get it* (I must admit, this took me awhile; I think it’s the “uneasy” part), and you release that blame, it feels sooooo freeing and amazing! And you get your power back. I saw one specific person flash before my eyes as I read…someone who is blaming things that happened over 40 years ago for how her life is today, and YOWZERS, I want to snap her the hell out of it, but alas. I can only teach her this amazingness you’ve cooked up here, and hope it sinks in, and that she applies it. I also think people get bored and need drama, don’t you think that can be part of it sometimes? Kudos for not playing the blame game in those examples you gave…For me, I used to blame feeling like crap about myself on what others said–or didn’t say–about me. I realized that nobody can fill me up! I’m my only gas station, yo. HA! That was dorky, but you feel me. Kudos again on a wonderful, brilliant piece, twinsie!!! You definitely snapped my ass out of a funk! MUA!

    • Have I told you I love you lately Eyenie?! 🙂

      So grateful for your words chica!

      I’m with you – it’s the uneasy parts that takes us the longest to correct because we “just don’t wanna.” LOL

      Giiiiirrrrlll, you KNOW it…some people just LOOOOVE drama. A trusted friend of mine once told me this: take stock of those people who watch drama shows a lot and you’ll most likely see a lot of drama in their own lives. But that’s a whole ‘notha subject. 🙂

      Here here to being our own gas stations…FILL ‘ER UP! *HUGS*

  • Great post, Lakesha, and I shared it on my Women Making Strides Facebook page. If we go through life seeing ourselves as victims, we miss so many opportunities. I, too, saw a particular person when I read this who I want to shake and say, “You only have ONE life! Stop wasting it!”
    While it is easy to judge, I remember having a victim mentality myself. It took a life-changing weekend seminar to make me realize it and begin to change. Your post could help people realize it, too.

    • Hey Susan and thank you so much for sharing with your peeps!

      And so glad that you’ve had an experience that helped you realize this lesson. 🙂

  • This is a great article. I agree with your 100%. We are the solution and we are the problem. Once we start taking responsibility for our own good or bad outcomes, we have better control over our lives and can get better results.

    • You know I love seeing your face Janeane and thank you so much for dropping through! *hugs*

  • Well Kesha, it just so happens that I was having this discussion with my niece last night. Now she’s not actually a blood relative but she’s still my niece.

    It’s a long long long story but her uncle LOVES to blame everyone else instead of taking full responsibility for his own actions. Because of this he has no relationship with her or her brother. This is a grown adult mind you, even older then me. Because he and his sister (her mother) don’t see eye to eye he blames her for them not having a relationship when it’s his fault.

    Oh my goodness, he went on and on and on and ended up chewing his own niece out because she didn’t agree with him. OMG!!! Is he ever the problem. You just can’t talk sense to this man and I constantly shake my head wondering how the heck you ever get through to someone like that.

    We finally have just given up. He’s definitely the problem and he’s the only one who can find that solution too!

    Great post girl, I’m sending this to my niece.

    ~Adrienne

    • Well, guess my timing was perfect with this one Adrienne! Thank you so much for sharing that story and hopefully this helps your niece understand that she may not be able to do anything about her Uncle as he has to see it himself. And if not (as most often people don’t), she can give herself permission to avoid as much as possible.

      Hope you’re having a fantabulously awesome day chica!

  • I absolutely love your article. The title of the article is funny and quite catchy! It is so true for all of us. We are guilty and we have to fix it… Whatever it is… I always say “take complete responsibility for everything you do” and “don’t wait for anybody else to do everything for you”. Great article! Very inspiring and motivational! Thanks for sharing!

  • It’s easier to blame someone than to take responsibility. Even when you are not the problem, you can still be a part of the solution. I’ve learned that it’s easier to change myself than to try to change someone else.

    • Oh thank goodness Heather! Girl, you don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that!! I believe it’s the ultimate issue (one of them at least) with our society at large – we try too often to change others instead of ourselves.

      Grateful for your feedback chica!

  • Hey Kesha,

    I keep far away from those blame game or constant complainer people. They just bring me down.

    It isn’t in my nature to blame, maybe it is because I got sick and tired of family and old friends getting stuck in their lives playing this game. They are people that are “stuck” and there is no way in hell you can help them unless they seek help themselves. OK…being a hard ass now, but I speak the truth.

    I just stay away because I have no tolerance for people who like to do this kind of behavior and not try do do something about it.

    If I have a problem, I seek help. That’s it! I like to surround myself with those that are positive and not carry negative energy like this.

    Did I rant? Well, maybe Kesha, but it is a sore spot with me. I have tons of clients, but when I meet one like this, I know I can’t work with them until they get some help to overcome their attitude.

    Donna

    • No worries Donna. I love rants! But you’re absolutely right. I tend to stay away from people like that too. I recognize the tendency to blame others and I don’t wanna hear it!

      Thanks Donna for your feedback!

  • Now you already know I am right there with you on this topic. Oh and how about after that, they add expectations to it. People are mad cause they expected that the other person or persons to do something in a certain way and they don’t so it is their fault. You are right! We must simply just take the extra step, do the double check and let go of expectations. At the end of the day, is it about looking to blame others or doing our small part to make sure our OWN outcome is as positive as WE want it to be. Great post Kesha!

    • Well, thank ya darlin’ and I do know you’re here with me (*we here* my fingers swing from my eyes to yours LOL). Love your feedback!

  • ‘m also at the point where I look to see how i could have done things differently and what part i have played in any given situation. People get comfortable with putting the blame on others because it makes them feel better. No one wants to be wrong but it takes a bigger person to accept responsibility for their actions and to act accordingly after this. I know one person that comes to mind who needs to read this. Let me go post this on FB and maybe they will read it lol

    • Yep, it does feel good to relinquish the blame on others. If I didn’t have the mindset I have, I would do it all the time too! 🙂

      I’ve even said before (in my head), “I wish I didn’t have to be the bigger (wo)man” or “WHY do I have to be the bigger person?” I have my rants sometimes and say “I don’t wanna” with a pouty face LOL

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