You are the problem…
No one likes to hear that though right?
Well, you are.
Now that the bad news is out of the way, here’s some good news.
You are also the solution.
There’s just one caveat:
The phenomenon above is exactly why people who do the most blaming and complaining, can’t see why it’s an issue. Those who take little to no responsibility for their actions aren’t likely to understand that they are also the solution.
However, despite this limitation, I’m hoping this post helps to change someone’s consciousness so that he/she can recognize solutions and change the game!
The Blame Game
Often, when things aren’t going our way, we tend to blame others.
- In relationships, it’s the other person’s fault things went to pure hell.
- At work, it’s your boss’ fault you didn’t get that promotion.
- No job? No money? Broke? It’s The Man’s fault.
- Kids acting up at home? It’s the school’s fault.
- Kids acting up at school? It’s the parents’ fault.
- Got drunk and ugly things happened? Blame it on the alcohol. (*chuckle* LOL 🙂 )
- Your life is just pure suckage? It’s EVERYBODY else’s fault!
I could go on and on…
Tell the truth, you know someone who always blames other people for their problems or maybe you’ve caught yourself throwing blame across the table.
Listen, YES, in life sometimes sh$t happens. Circumstances out of our control occur that directly or indirectly affect our lives. I get that and am not negating that simple truth.
But what I don’t get or like is the constant pity party, the pointing of fingers, the complaining, the blatant disregard for personal responsibility, and the fact that a lot of people don’t like to seek answers or solutions. They love playing the blame game.
What they fail to realize is blaming others is a wasteful action – a waste of time and energy.
I posted the status below on Facebook a while back and one of my friends asked if it was this simple (that we are also our solution). See my response below.
Where Does Your Responsibility Lie?
One thing we all have in common is problems. As long as you’re living, you’re gonna run into some problems. There are no ifs, ands, or buts around it.
The interesting thing about that is this:
The problem isn’t necessarily the problem; it’s how you handle the problem that’s the real problem.
Everyday, we make all kinds of choices and decisions – what to eat, how to raise our children, when to leave for work (are you always running late but blaming other drivers for being in your way???), etc.
And when we find ourselves wondering how we ended up in a certain place (physically or emotionally), confronting our own choices can feel challenging. We find it easier to see where others were wrong and may even feel good that we are not responsible.
Here are some personal examples:
- I blamed the public school system for not preparing me well enough when I got my first C ever in college; not myself who was so cocky after being valedictorian and thinking I didn’t have to study much…
- I blamed a family member for embarrassing me at the grocery store after he gave me an empty gift card to spend; not myself for failing to check the balance on the card first knowing that the giver is a very untrustworthy person…
- I blamed a fellow writer once for giving me the incorrect source to a story; not myself who could have easily checked its validation before publishing…
You see how easy it is to throw blame elsewhere? But do you also see that I realize my part in the choices I made?
I didn’t take the time to understand this back then but now I’m at a place where I can recognize my part before pointing my finger at someone else a whole lot faster – and the place I’d like you to be.
So back to those decisions we make daily. Think about any problem you have right now. You have the choice to decide how you’ll react and what you’re gonna do about it.
Even if you can’t physically do anything about a problem or situation, you have the power to change your thoughts about it which aids in how you handle the situation overall. Certainly, constant complaining won’t help solve it.
But where does your responsibility lie?
All the decisions you’ve made to this very point are yours to own and you are responsible for them!
Did you know that blaming others takes away your sense of your own power? Once you stop pointing fingers, you’re left with just yourself.
You already know that you can’t change other peoples’ actions – only your own. So you gotta figure out how to get over the humps and bumps of life the best way you can.
So wherever you find yourself right here right now, somehow you made an appointment to be here, which means either you invited it on purpose or by pure neglect.
In either case, accept responsibility for your life situation as it is. Don’t like it? Change it! Find a way to do something about it.
You are the one who has set in motion the ’cause’ that has shaped your present circumstances, and you are also the one who can set a new cause in motion…
You Are The Solution!
Now that you know you’re the problem and understand that you have some responsibility in where you are right now in your life, it’s time to learn how to BE the solution.
Consider these ideas to stop blaming others and regain your own power:
- Take complete responsibility for your own life and accept the consequences of your choices. Regardless of your situation, acknowledge that only you decide how your life is going to manifest.
- Although your problem could be the direct result of someone else’s decision, it’s your responsibility to control your reaction.
- From here on out, consider it a cop-out when you blame someone else for the choices you make.
- Learn from the past. Consider a couple of specific incidents when you blamed another person for your choices. How did those situations turn out in the end? Did you lose a friend? Is a family member estranged from you? Rarely does anything positive come from blaming another person for your situation.
- Think before you blame. If you catch yourself blaming someone else for a situation in your life, ponder it thoroughly before saying anything aloud. Ask yourself what really happened. Who did what? What was your own part in this? How did you react? What were your options? How could you respond in the future to change the outcome?
- Don’t be afraid to seek third party assistance. Too often people discount therapy and counseling. But read that quote by Albert Einstein above again. You may not be in the frame of mind to ‘see’ a way around the problem so getting help could very well be your solution!
Over to you…
Today, I challenge you to make it a point to notice when you are playing the blame game.
In what situations do you find yourself blaming others for your own choices? How can you prevent that from happening again?