We all know that getting along with family can be harder than getting along with friends. Why is that? Well, you get to pick your friends and if you don’t like someone, you don’t have to hang around them. Plus, you get to know your friends in a deeper way and tend to accept them – warts and all.
I once posted the following on Facebook:
Family….can’t pick ‘em….can’t kill ‘em…the best you can do is get caller ID… LOL
But how do you handle family when the dynamics can sometimes be awkward or tricky? Here are 7 tips to keep in mind at your next extended family gathering:
- Respect your elders. If your grandmother carries on about “kids these days”, then listen to what she has to say and remember where she is coming from. You can turn the conversation around by asking her what it was like when she was a kid. Ask her about her school, her first job, where they liked to hang out, what the fads were, etc. In a lot of cases, whether they want to believe it or not, “these days” may bring about different challenges but there are a lot of similarities!
- A family gathering is not the time or place to bring up personal arguments or long standing disagreements. Try to bring a fresh perspective to each new get-together and focus on the now. Surprisingly, my family has only had a few blowups that I can remember but overall tend to keep the arguments down (and blasting of other family members to smaller circles) – luckily! LOL
- Get to really know each family member. Spend time with each one and find out where they’re coming from. Perhaps Aunt Ophelia talks nonstop at these functions because at her own house she’s alone and lonely. Maybe your sister’s brother-in-law, Sean, brags about his fancy car because he grew up poor and is proud of his accomplishments. Get to know them as people and develop relationships with them and you’ll probably like them better.
- Be patient and open-minded. Humor goes a long way to diffuse potential problems. Be ready to jump in and change the subject if you see something ugly about to happen, or crack a silly joke to break up the tension.
- Don’t try to make the family gathering perfect. No one has the perfect family (God know I surely don’t!) and no matter how hard you try, you can’t stage the perfect gathering. If it’s at your house you can have your house clean, the food and drink ready to go, and some fun games on hand, but recognize you can’t control people (which is why it’s a must to refrain from having too many family members coming to your crib at once).
- Keep the conversation on easy-to-talk-about subjects. That leaves out religion and politics and cousin Debra’s love life. Tell jokes, even corny ones, tell stories, talk about what you’re thankful for this year, ask about recent accomplishments, etc.
- Try to celebrate your differences. It would be a pretty boring get together if you all thought the same way and agreed about everything. Take note that Malik is a moody teenager this year but could change the next time you see him. Enjoy any positives about old negative Fred because he may not be around next year.
Over to you…
Do you think these tips will work for improving and/or maintaining the peace and getting along with YOUR relatives? I’ve love to hear your thoughts and any tips you’d like to share!
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I really think your advice on keeping a sense of humor is extremely valuable. And remembering not to take ourselves too seriously help, too. Loved the kitties!
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OMG Lynda, I had to grab that image once I saw it. Yes, it’s too cute. btw: If you hadn’t guessed yet, I love cats
I tell ya though if I wasn’t laughing at some of our family functions, I’d be crying!
Lovely to “see” ya
~Kesha
Kesha, Great post with useful advices. I would add the following: Never bring old issues and try resolving them. It will end up with fight. Remember, the ego likes to be right, no matter the consequences.
Right! That darn ego *shakes my head*
It likes to rear its ugly head at the wrong times (as if there’s a right time)
Absolutely sound advice Margarita!
~Kesha
1) Kesha – I adore you and love your blog. It’s truly my favorite.
2) My tip (one that it took me a while to get) is that in laws will always protect their kids, even if they don’t need to protect them.
Whenever my boyfriend’s parents even think I may be knocking one of their grown kids (yes, I’m rolling my eyes) they go straight on the defensive. My SIL got a speeding ticket and started crying. I asked why did she cry (was the cop being mean? was she just frustrated?) – I got my head bit straight off. Recently we fostered our first dog and I wanted to keep him, Johan (boyfriend) kept reminding me that we can rescue 100s or adopt 1 more – and he was right, but my heart was still broken. I said this at a family gathering and his mom started getting defensive repeating what I’d already said.
Never never never criticize their children. Ever. Sometimes you may not be criticizing, you’re just mentioning an alternative point of view – keep your mouth shut and smile.
Oh – and don’t go to family events unless you’re in the best of moods. I got a nasty gram once for showing up sick. My MIL thought I was being a bitch because I was quiet. I was sick. She didn’t even ask if I was feeling okay, just wrote me a nasty email. So now, if I’m not 100%, I stay home.
It’s all very silly, I know, but it’s so much easier to get along, because these people have lived longer and will not change just because we showed up in the family.
Great tips, Darling.
Kimberly
1) Kim, I am totally blushing (and of course got a big head) right now! Girl, thank you for your lovely words on the blog. I do my best for you guys. Incidentally, you know me (at least a lil bit by now) so don’t hesitate to give constructive feedback anytime chica!!
2) It sounds like there are some issues abound with the in laws and I know it sucks because it’s your honey poo’s family.
I have a feeling that even if you’re in a good mood though they will bring it down so limiting your precious, happy-go-lucky, loving time with them is the best thing to do as you’ve been doing.
And like you said, we can’t change them because they’re set in their ways and BELIEVE 100% that what they’re doing is honest-to-goodness real/true/right!
Does your boo boo chime in and put them in their place every now and then?
Great post! My parents have often been compared to the in-laws on Everybody Loves Raymond, so you can imagine how our family gatherings can be. These are great tips!
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Ha, I bet that is hilarious! I’d love to see that so go ahead and invite me to the next gathering.
Thanks for stopping in Anthony and sharing!
~Kesha
That cat picture always makes me laugh! I’m going to have to share this; I rarely read posts like this, involving getting along with kin. Great job! #3 & #7 are especially great reminders!
Please do share chica! Appreciate it and grateful for your commenting!
~Kesha
That’s terrific! Getting along with relatives is really hard especially if there is a competition on both parties. It kills me!
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