Stopping The Bully Within! Negative Words Written on Girls' Bodies
Image Credit: Life Love and Music

What we think, we become. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. ~The Buddha

We hear a lot about bullying in the media, especially when it concerns children. I read a story today where a child was bullied in school and the school punished both of the children – both the aggressor and the victim because the victim fought back. And of course there are proponents on both sides of the battle as to whether or not the victim should have been punished as well. But if he didn’t fight back, who would? Should we just allow it to happen?

This got me thinking about adults and how we can be a bully too. I am not talking about an adult bullying another, although that happens too.  I am talking about the bully that lives within us. Who’s going to fight that bully back?

Stopping The Bully That Lives Within

Studies show that we average at least 100 negative thoughts about ourselves a day. We are what we think. tweet-this

Do you think you have that many negative thoughts go through your mind in a day? Start counting…you may be surprised!

Negative self-talk is a habit with many of us. A lot of it stems from the way we were brought up or even just the pressure we put on ourselves to follow the status quo, keep up with the Joneses, impress others, look good in other people’s eyes, and so on. All of this results in a lack of self-confidence and undermining ourselves, which sparks the negative self-talk. It’s just a vicious cycle…

You wanna know how this negative self-talk shows up in your life? Brace yourself because you may notice some of these in you

  • battling perfectionism
  • the need to always be right
  • the need for attention, even if damaging
  • seeking love from anybody other than yourself
  • thinking you’re never going to be enough
  • illnesses caused by worry, stress, and anxiety and let’s not leave out depression
  • and so many other ways that cause us to self-sabotage

But there is hope to stop the internal bullying! Your mind can become your best friend and offer supportive and positive thoughts. But it is up to you to take back control.

Here are a few things that you can do to stop that bully that lives within.

First: Learn to recognize a negative thought.  Something as simple as “I don’t think I look good in this outfit” is a negative image to your mind. Turn that around to say, “I love the color of this outfit. It looks fabulous with my hair and eyes.” Technicolor Priestess, Eyenie Schultz, will tell you to do something to make it look good – add a belt, complementary accessories, a jacket or blazer – whatever you need to do to own it and make it work for you! Take a second and listen…what story are you telling yourself on the daily? That you’re ugly, not worthy, a drama queen, not a good parent, not good enough, that no one likes you? Only you know your thoughts. The first step is recognizing their existence.

Second: Watch what you verbalize. Negative self-talk…it’s a hard habit to break. Saying negative things about yourself plants damaging thoughts into your mind. For instance, saying “I feel fat” and feeling guilty after indulging in a large meal can be turned around to say, “I feel satisfied and blessed to have enjoyed that meal.

Third: Redirect your thinking. If you find that you beat yourself up more often than not, learn to redirect those thoughts to a more positive frame of mind.  Step away from the situation if needed. Try a process called Thought Stopping that can help. Will this process remove negative thoughts forever? Heck nawl! Don’t even set that expectation. But guess what? The frequency and length of time they exist will diminish!

Fourth: Always remember you are in control:  You can change your thought patterns and be good to yourself at the instant you simply decide to do so. It will take practice but aren’t you worth it? If you answered No, please contact me. We need to talk, seriously!

When I mention the words positivity and positive self-talk, I get some rolled eyes and sighs of disbelief and under-the-breath whispers of mumbo jumbo. But let me tell ya, if what you’ve been doing isn’t working and you continue to sabotage yourself, I invite you to just try something different. The power of positive thinking can really make a difference in not just your life but those around you. Moreover, somebody has to stop the bully within and no one can do it but YOU!

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort! 🙂 ~Herm Albright

Over to you…

So if you don’t ditch the mean ol’ bully in your head, your confidence and your mental health will be (or already is) at stake!

What are some other ways we can go about stopping the bully within? Please share your feedback in the comments. Somebody is awaiting your help!

Also, for further help with your inner bully, here’s a free 5-Day Mini Challenge to Transform Your Inner Bully Into Your Inner BFF!

Wassuper, it's yo girl, Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different and challenge what's "normal!" I am wildly passionate about helping highly driven women pursue fantabulous relationships, juicytastic careers/bizzes, and authentically inspired lives.
Stopping The Bully Who Lives Within

Must Reads:

  • This is something that I still struggle with, even after MAKING myself think of the positive in every situation. When it comes to me, I have to be so much kinder, even more kind than I am to others. It’s a work in progress!

    • I used to think something was wrong with me because it seemed that negative thoughts would consume me (which is also why I thought that we are just negative animals by nature and had to work so HARD to be positive)…

      Until, I started training…training my mind to see, think, and hear (through posters, affirmations, music, etc.) something different on a daily basis. My gratitude journal definitely helped change this too!

      Now, are all negative thoughts gone? Of course not. But it occurs WAAAAY less than it used to and when they do appear, it doesn’t take me so long to tun ’em around.

      So, boo, it’s a work in progress – which takes constant action – for ALL of us! 🙂


  • Several online attacks this summer made me realize that I needed to get professional help so now I’m in therapy and it’s been wonderful. One thing I’ve learned from the attacks is to take care of the things I say, write, and even think. I’ve never considered myself a bully, but the people attacking me didn’t think they were bullies either – they just thought they were right and planned to come at me until I agreed. It was terrible and I would never want to make anyone feel this way.

    • Hey Kimberly, I’m so glad you’re getting the help you need! So many times people think getting 3rd party assistance (outside of fam and friends) is taboo but it usually ends up being more damaging to NOT do so. I hate that you experienced such things but am glad you’re taking things into your own hands and working on self and learning to deal with these types of people.

      Also, remember to not take their words or actions personally (though it can be hard) because they obviously have issues going on within themselves (it’s another way internal bullying manifests itself – outwardly towards others).

      Let me know if there’s anything I can do to support you as well!

  • Val

    This is something that I truly have to actively work on. Thanks Kesha.

    • Don’t we all, Val! It’s unfortunate that we have to work so hard on something like this but it’s our reality. Paying attention to when and how often we do this to ourselves is the first step. So come on chica; let’s take that first step together. 🙂

  • Hi Lakesha, I have always believed in the statement – Negativity never won any battle. I mean you can say what does positivity do, but at the least it won’t demotivate you. Living becomes really difficult without the right spirit.

  • I’d add that folks should remember that many people, even those that seem incredibly confident, have to remind themselves every single day that they are great. Don’t feel bad if you find yourself repeating positive messages to yourself, or if those negative thoughts creep in. Just know that you are like many other people, and come back to articles like this to feed your mind and push the negativity out.

    • This is a brilliant add, Brandi, and I thank you for sharing!

      *hugs, hugs, and more hugs* 🙂

  • Oh my Keisha, You are stepping on a few toes here. It is so true we are our biggest bully. We put so much pressure on ourselves & when we don’t meet those expectations we are the first to get on us!

    Thanks for the reminder to get rid of the bully that lives inside of us.

    • No prob boo and thanks for stopping through! It happens so much to us that we don’t realize it (until it’s too late) so we, myself included, need the reminder every now and then! 🙂

  • Harry

    Self criticism is a good thing but as they say every thing has a good and a bad side, taking self criticism to the extent that you lose confidnce in yourself is of no use. You have to draw that line between keeping self criticism healthy or destructive.

  • Amen — we definitely can be our own worst enemy. Reminds me of Mary J Blige’s concert when she’s singing “No More Drama” and at the end she says, “I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired./But you know what/ I found out the enemy was me/I hated me/and that was the problem.” <– so very powerful.

    • Hey boo! Yes, that is so true and I’m glad that MJB is sharing that message! It all starts within…

  • Its so true what we say to ourselves without knowing it is hurting us big time. We might not even be aware of it until we take a moment to really check in and listen!

  • Ooh girl, you already know I struggle with this. Good stuff.


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