What we think, we become. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. ~The Buddha
We hear a lot about bullying in the media, especially when it concerns children. I read a story today where a child was bullied in school and the school punished both of the children – both the aggressor and the victim because the victim fought back. And of course there are proponents on both sides of the battle as to whether or not the victim should have been punished as well. But if he didn’t fight back, who would? Should we just allow it to happen?
This got me thinking about adults and how we can be a bully too. I am not talking about an adult bullying another, although that happens too. I am talking about the bully that lives within us. Who’s going to fight that bully back?
Stopping The Bully That Lives Within
Do you think you have that many negative thoughts go through your mind in a day? Start counting…you may be surprised!
Negative self-talk is a habit with many of us. A lot of it stems from the way we were brought up or even just the pressure we put on ourselves to follow the status quo, keep up with the Joneses, impress others, look good in other people’s eyes, and so on. All of this results in a lack of self-confidence and undermining ourselves, which sparks the negative self-talk. It’s just a vicious cycle…
You wanna know how this negative self-talk shows up in your life? Brace yourself because you may notice some of these in you…
- battling perfectionism
- the need to always be right
- the need for attention, even if damaging
- seeking love from anybody other than yourself
- thinking you’re never going to be enough
- illnesses caused by worry, stress, and anxiety and let’s not leave out depression
- and so many other ways that cause us to self-sabotage…
But there is hope to stop the internal bullying! Your mind can become your best friend and offer supportive and positive thoughts. But it is up to you to take back control.
Here are a few things that you can do to stop that bully that lives within.
First: Learn to recognize a negative thought. Something as simple as “I don’t think I look good in this outfit” is a negative image to your mind. Turn that around to say, “I love the color of this outfit. It looks fabulous with my hair and eyes.” Technicolor Priestess, Eyenie Schultz, will tell you to do something to make it look good – add a belt, complementary accessories, a jacket or blazer – whatever you need to do to own it and make it work for you! Take a second and listen…what story are you telling yourself on the daily? That you’re ugly, not worthy, a drama queen, not a good parent, not good enough, that no one likes you? Only you know your thoughts. The first step is recognizing their existence.
Second: Watch what you verbalize. Negative self-talk…it’s a hard habit to break. Saying negative things about yourself plants damaging thoughts into your mind. For instance, saying “I feel fat” and feeling guilty after indulging in a large meal can be turned around to say, “I feel satisfied and blessed to have enjoyed that meal.”
Third: Redirect your thinking. If you find that you beat yourself up more often than not, learn to redirect those thoughts to a more positive frame of mind. Step away from the situation if needed. Try a process called Thought Stopping that can help. Will this process remove negative thoughts forever? Heck nawl! Don’t even set that expectation. But guess what? The frequency and length of time they exist will diminish!
Fourth: Always remember you are in control: You can change your thought patterns and be good to yourself at the instant you simply decide to do so. It will take practice but aren’t you worth it? If you answered No, please contact me. We need to talk, seriously!
When I mention the words positivity and positive self-talk, I get some rolled eyes and sighs of disbelief and under-the-breath whispers of mumbo jumbo. But let me tell ya, if what you’ve been doing isn’t working and you continue to sabotage yourself, I invite you to just try something different. The power of positive thinking can really make a difference in not just your life but those around you. Moreover, somebody has to stop the bully within and no one can do it but YOU!
A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort! 🙂 ~Herm Albright
Over to you…
So if you don’t ditch the mean ol’ bully in your head, your confidence and your mental health will be (or already is) at stake!
What are some other ways we can go about stopping the bully within? Please share your feedback in the comments. Somebody is awaiting your help!
Also, for further help with your inner bully, here’s a free 5-Day Mini Challenge to Transform Your Inner Bully Into Your Inner BFF!