The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. ~Sonya Friedman
A person’s worth in this world is estimated according to the value they put on themselves. ~Jean De La Bruyere
If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. ~Unknown Author
I really like that last quote! I wish I could give dap to the person who said it but I can’t find the source 
Do You Know Your Worth?
I’m sure you’ve heard of net worth, where you take your liabilities and subtract them from your assets resulting in your total financial outlook. Some people value themselves by this number and this number alone but we’ll leave that for another discussion.
Today, this is not that discussion. We are talking about knowing your worth as a human being, with which money can’t compare. Your worth is so much more than any monetary value. Knowing this, your life will flow so much more easily. You may have your own way/indication/formula/ideals to measure your worth but as long as you have something, I’m happy!
To further expound on this topic, I’ve invited a very good friend of mine, Tamiko Cuellar, to offer her thoughts.
Enjoy!
I am exicted to write this article because far too many people allow themselves to be used by people, not once or twice, but over and over again. Why is this the case?
You should ask yourself, “Do I always find myself in a position where I give more of myself than I receive in return, only to feel used or taken advantage of?”
If the answer is yes, then maybe it’s you and not them. This is why knowing your value and worth is necessary for healthy and balanced relationships/friendships. Allow God to show you your worth and not people.
The harsh reality is that there are some people in this world who will take from you with little or no regard for your well being. And then there are others who simply never feel that they are imposing upon you because you never set any boundaries. I have always lived by the mantra that you teach people how to treat you. This will help you set boundaries for what you will allow and what you won’t. Boundaries are healthy. A boundary in the middle of a highway is great because it will keep cars from crossing out of their lanes into oncoming traffic, thus avoiding a head-on collision.
How do you know if you are being used?
Let’s take a look at some of the signs you are being used:
- You find it hard to say no.
- You feel obligated to do what people ask you to do.
- You do things just to please other people.
- You constantly seek others’ approval of you.
- You let people guilt you into doing things that you really don’t want to do.
- You are always there for people but have no one to depend on when you are in need.
- You feel like doing things for people will secure their place in your life.
- You only feel like you are worth something when you are rescuing someone.
- You find yourself complaining that you give too much but keep doing it anyway.
- People often tell you that you are being used or are “too nice”.
It’s not selfish when you pull back from someone or something that is constantly taking from you, especially when there is little fulfillment for you. We are designed to give AND receive!
So here’s the good news. If you ball up a $100 bill, throw it on the ground and stomp on it 10 times, it’s still worth $100. It’s battered and in poor condition, but that doesn’t change its value. The same goes for you. Regardless of how people have mistreated and used you in the past or present, you are still precious and of high value. However, until you see it for yourself, you’ll never create those healthy boundaries. Just say NO!
Editor’s Note: If you are finding it difficult to say no, here are 20 definitive ways to say no once and for all!
Tamiko is a freelance inspirational writer, speaker, educator and business owner. Her passion to see people live out their true life’s purpose and reach their potential comes across in all that she does, whether it’s working with children or adults. To see more of her inspirational articles please visit http://www.examiner.com/evangelical-in-st-louis/tamiko-cuellar. To learn more about her educational work with children, visit SmartMindsTutoring.
Over to you…
Do you know your worth? Do you know how precious you are? Did you find that you identify with any of above 10 signs? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please share below!
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This is a great post. I’m a “people pleaser” at heart, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of mis-valuing myself in deference to someone else’s opinion. I like the list you gave to help us recognize when we are being used. Very helpful.
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Steve Rice recently posted..What I Fear Most
At one point in my life, I was able to answer yes to all of the items in the list! It wasn’t good for me so I had to do something different. I woke up and recognized what I was allowing to happen. Now I’m free as a bird and loving it!
We can be people pleasers, Steve, but like you said, not at the expense of others who abuse and misuse us (regardless if they are doing it consciously or not!).
I could so relate to this one Kesha and Tamiko – this is such a heart issue and we try to make it a head issue. Thank you for this post and helping put a Monday in to perspective! Have a great & prosperous week.
Glenda, you are most welcome and you identified an excellent point – heart vs head issue! Thanks so much for providing your value-added feedback!
~Kesha
What a great article – yes, it is so easy to go down this road if you are not confrontational and like to keep the peace. Even here in this little corner of bloggy world, my feelings were hurt this week – did I step up – Hell no, just decided to get over it and move on.
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We need to remember our worth, we are quick to lift up others, but so often quick to put down ourselves!
By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Foot and Mouth. Foot in Mouth. Vastly different.
Nicole, mmm hmmm, you hit the nail on the head. I struggled with this so much because I am nonconfrontational too (the Stars did this to me by making me a Punk Pisces!)
But you know, there’s nothing wrong with picking your battles. If you needed to let that issue be, let it be. As long as you feel good about your decision of doing so.
I must say I see you as more aggressive, er, shall I say assertive anyway
I recently decided to start saying “no” – it’s refreshing. I love it.
Kim, it is refreshing, isn’t it! I say no way more often these days and feel so much better. Glad you do too!
I fit all of the above for many years. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I realized it. Once I started making changes in my life in how I regarded other people’s expectations of me and how I valued my time and talents, my life became much better.
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MELISASource recently posted..Music Mondays: Stop Lying to Yourself
So glad to hear that you’ve made changes that allow you to “do you” and have a better life Makeba! You’ve now given yourself permission to go above and beyond anything you’ve ever expected. Believe that!
I find it very hard to say no. Even to myself–I have so many interests that even when I get tired of doing them, I feel obligated to persist.
Ooooooh, now that one can prick us real good – feeling obligated to continue something. I just read a post recently about delaying or ceasing a dream when it no longer works for us. It may be of interest to you:
http://melisasource.com/2011/09/28/knowing-when-to-let-go-of-a-dream/
Maybe it can help you when you start feeling obligated to continue doing something. It certainly was a good read for me!
~Kesha
Oh my gosh,Kesha, I must be the most well adjusted person on earth. Either that, or I’m just a heartless bitch. Great post, always enjoy myself here. I did come up with a quirky thing that I do (man, it was tough but I did it), and that is I have to put all my clothes in my closet according to color. What? I can’t explain it, I just live it.
Heartless? You? Noooo
But let me tell you that people in my family sure think I’m heartless as well because I don’t live by their rules or succumb to their demands. In those instances, I’d gladly welcome that new nickname!
Ha, now I wanna see a picture of your closet!!
I’m so glad that you all enjoyed my article! Thanks Kesha for posting this one!
You are ever most welcome and you already know how glad I am that you provided such awesome material for my readers. They love you!
Boundaries are extremely healthy and needed. Your work is valuable and unless you can put a value on your product and services, no one will take you seriously. You have to make a commitment to be up front with yourself and your clients. You matter and your work, and you, have a value. Don’t be shy, it is important that you give yourself permission to be paid for your art, your gifts and your talent. Great blog post. Cheers.
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Jen Olney recently posted..Give Thanks…
Absolutely Jen! I remember when I first started doing web design, I was charging crumbs, which is standard since I was just starting. But then with increased experience, degree, and skills, I was having a hard time charging what I thought my talent and time was worth. Not until recently did I really solidify my pricing which opened up the gate for all types of opportunity!
I love what you said: “…give yourself permission to be paid for your talent.” YES!
Thanks so much for your ever so valued feedback!
~Kesha
Thank you Kesha. This is a great post. You rock, grl!!
P.S. Can I have permission to use the 10 ways you know you are being used. I will credit as appropriate.
Thanks
Mike Martin
Author of Change the Things You Can (Dealing with Difficult People)
Hi Mike Martin,
I just sent you a reply to your Mike54Martin email address. Thanks so much for your interest in reprinting a portion of my article!
I think the main reason find it hard to say no is because of fear. They fear being judged, looked down upon, rejected and vilified if they say it. It’s easier to not rock the boat and just do it…at least that’s what they try to tell themselves. Saying no may not win you friends, but it will give you peace of mind to know that you can finally stand up for yourself and not allow yourself to be victimized. People who have your best interests at heart will not throw you to the wolves simply because you tell them no.
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Renee recently posted..Starting over can lead to your rebirth
Absolutely agree Renee! A lot of what we do or don’t do is based in fear but that’s another blog post! I’m glad you offered this to the discussion though. I, too, have found that the real people who have our best interests at heart will understand why we say no because hopefully they do it too