Are you comfortable going places alone? Here are some tips to enjoy time by myself.
What’s so strange about a person going places alone? There’s such a stigma about it – at least from what I’ve heard.

Recently, I was in New York City by myself for 5 days kicking it before my friends arrived! When I told people that I was going by myself, I got stares, questions, and most notably, got the statement, “I couldn’t/wouldn’t want to do that!

Shoot, I figure if I keep waiting on people to do things with me in life, I’d NEVER go anywhere!

Going places alone is something many people just won’t do for whatever reason.  Is it because they think they’ll look like a loser; maybe even like they don’t have any friends? Is it because they consider going places alone dangerous?

Honestly, I think going out and doing things by yourself gets a bad rap, one that isn’t deserved.

Side note: Being alone and loneliness are NOT the same thing! Besides, if YOU can’t go anywhere with you, who should?! LOL

Going Places Alone

going-places-alone-admit-one-purpleSometimes, there are disadvantages to always having/wanting to go out with others.  For instance, going to dinner? How long will it take the “group” to decide on the restaurant? How about a movie? You love romantic comedies but your friends like blood and gore – not good! When you have only yourself to worry about, you can eat what you want, see the movie you want to see, and enjoy what you like without any noise from other parties!

Heck, I go out to eat by myself, go to the movies by myself, go to events by myself, show up at parties by myself….but I guess I just have one of those personalities where I never “feel” alone, especially since I end up meeting new people this way! Fun, fun!

Okay, maybe it’s just natural that many people feel exposed or vulnerable when they go out alone. I understand that. When I was in New York (especially at night), this is why I made sure to stay vigilant in my surroundings, but I wasn’t so afraid that I didn’t get to enjoy the experience. I mean, we even have to careful in our own backyards these days, don’t we?!

Just Go For It!

If you don’t normally go out alone, just try it. It will be a new experience for you and there are mind blowing reasons why you should start experiencing new things! If you’re used to going out with a friend or in a group, it will definitely feel a little weird at first when you strike out on your own. But the crazy thing is after a while you’ll find that you actually like it and you may even figure out for the first time in your life all of the qualities that you love about yourself, that which makes you unique. You’ll wonder why you hadn’t done this before. 🙂

Don’t Be Skurrrrred!

Fear is one of the biggest holdbacks but one thing’s for sure, after traveling or doing things alone the first time, you’ll feel more empowered than ever before!

Nearly anything you can do with someone else you can do alone.  Here’s a short list:

  • Ÿ  Get a mani, pedi or massage
  • Ÿ  Visit that museum that would bore your closest friends to tears
  • Ÿ  Savor a good book while you’re out to dinner
  • Ÿ  Hang out at Starbucks and people-watch (or at the airport, mall, park)
  • Ÿ  Go to a concert
  • Ÿ  Enjoy a long drive through the country – and even stop to “smell the roses” if you want
  • Ÿ  Go shopping! You won’t have anyone else slowing you down or telling you that you’re taking FOREVER to try on that great pair of jeans
  • Ÿ  Travel to your dream destination (or at least as far as your budget will let you go, even if it’s barely out of the state)

Living Life Happy Doesn’t Always Require Companionship!

The truth is that going places alone does NOT make you look like a loser; it makes you look (and feel) self-confident. Imagine doing anything you like without needing anyone’s permission or having to get the opinion of everyone else. It’s simply liberating!  And traveling alone? Fabulous! Make a game of it, travel “incognito,” or just relax and enjoy spending time that moves at your own pace.

Sometimes being alone is a GOOD things so just go for it my friends!

Over to you…

Soooo, do you feel comfortable go places alone? Please share why or why not below in the comments!

Wassuper, it’s yo girl, Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different and challenge what’s “normal!” I am wildly passionate about helping highly driven women pursue fantabulous relationships, juicytastic careers/bizzes, and authentically inspired lives. Let’s work together to rethink, redo, and reinvent so you can live life YOUR way!
Are You Comfortable Going Places Alone?
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  • Love the article and you are so right. I believe the big thing is the responses you receive from going alone. While traveling on business I was often alone and unless I was in an area LIKE NYC…it seemed strange the waiter, etc. I got the long pause or the stares from some people (sadness). I brought a book and…ok ok…I did laugh out loud a few times but it was a great book! Still that part I think may the reason ppl are a little shy of taking the plunge but I agree. Just Do it! Bring something (if at dinner) that may distract you the first few times…after that. Its easy. I even people watch for discussion points later because Human are Interesting creatures and its funny. Well anyway. Have a great day and thanks Lakesha (aka Muffin)! You rock

    • First of all, it’s weird hearing (“seeing”) you call me Lakesha…I don’t think I’ve EVER heard you say that before LOL

      Yes, girl, your people (yep, I give them to you) are hilarious and there’s usually always something to laugh about when people watching!

      Thanks for stopping through today Muffin! 🙂

  • Hey Girl, I feel you. At first I didnt like doing things alone. When I moved to St Louis I got into the habit of going to the movies alone & shopping. Do you really need company for those things?

    I visited Europe for work & stayed a few days. I was in Paris alone & had a blast. Now. I’m fine with traveling alone. I caught the Undeground and all.

    • Yep, it may seem weird at first because it’s not so common I guess. But you get used to it and start to love it!

      P.S. I miss your comedy and hilariousness girl! 🙂

  • Spot on, Kesha. If I waited all the time to do stuff with others, I’d be home alone. Nothing wrong with home alone, but there’s a whole world out there to discover. Let’s go for it!

    • Yes, it sure is a WHOLE world to explore…no reason to wait for others to do it!!

  • Kia

    I’ve eaten alone, the patio a drink and a book is actually quite nice, and i see movies alone all the time. You have to be comfortable alone because if you aren’t you will always be lonely because you don’t know how to be alone.

    • I like your point Kia and thanks for dropping in and sharing your feedback! *hugs*

  • I feel like I had to get comfortable going places alone before I was really ready to share my life with someone again. As it turns out, I made it to that place and then I found someone knew to share my comfort with, so it was a win-win.

    I think it’s very important to be happy with who we are *outside* of any relationship before we can thrive IN one.

    Thanks for sharing and the the thought provoking question!

    • I’m glad you had that experience of doing/being/learning you and being able to get comfortable to go places by yourself. And thank you for mentioning the fact that one must be happy with self BEFORE joining into a union with another. That should be a whole ‘notha post! LOL

      Thank you for stopping through and sharing your valuable feedback!

  • Good post, Lakesha.

    It takes a while to get comfortable with it, but I have done cruises nd travelled overseas many times alone, or with a group of strangers. I have met some people, and gotten a lot of rest.

    As “bluenotebacker” said, it is important to be comfortable with yourself. There is, or should be, a vast difference between being alone and being lonely. People should spend a great deal more time getting to know themselves and getting comfortable with who they are.

    Martina

    • Thank you Martina, I agree! If more people spent time being by themselves, they’d learn about who they are more deeply (without distraction) and even understand how to relate to/with others since there will (hopefully) be a higher knowledge of themselves. I admit that going out to places alone isn’t the only way to get to know oneself because you can do that at home. But I also think a person’s character/personality can be brought more to light when he/she experiences being out in public by themselves. 🙂

  • I love going places by myself!

    • You seem like the type of person who would Shannon! It’s fun isn’t it? 🙂 Thanks for stopping in deary!

  • There was a time a long time ago when the only thing I was willing to really do alone was go to the movies, which I still love to do by myself but deep down in my heart of hearts, I’ve always been a loner but I always felt like people were staring at me or that I looked lonely even though I didn’t feel lonely.

    Then I realized how narcissistic I was being. Most times people are going on with their day/night and aren’t paying you any mind. There are still a couple of things I don’t do alone and that’s take myself to a sit down restaurant (that’s more of a body image thing) and go out to lounges or clubs (I’d just rather be around friends for that).

    But for real..just get out there, you’ll see it’s not so bad and you may even have more fun by yourself. I’ve taken part in some great experiences because I “just did it”.

    • Ha! Narcissistic eh? 🙂 You’re right though, most of the time no one is paying attention or cares! Body image thing at sit down restaurants? How so? #interesting

      • Well part of it goes back to the narcissism I spoke of and because I’m self conscious about my body and when I eat alone, I feel like I’m this big glutton that everyone is watching eat like a zoo animal. It’s not really about being alone but more about feeling like I’m being watched. When others are eating with me, I don’t really notice it, maybe because I feel their deflecting it off of me? Not sure, but so it goes with me…

        • Awww not a zoo animal! LOL I feel ya. Well, from what I’ve seen on FB and Twitter, you’re making changes which will ultimately create a healthier body image too so that won’t be an issue for long 😉 *dap*

  • Fabulous article! I really don’t mind going out by myself but I’ve always had an issue with the movie theatre. Not quite sure why that is. 🙂 Gives one something to think about for sure!

    • Hey Brenda! When you figure out what it is about the movie theatre, please let me know. Interesting! 🙂 The theatre is one of my best places to go alone since it’s not conducive to talking much anyway.

  • Hi Kesha!
    i like this post very much.i think some people have the habit to keep theirself in alone.because they like isolation.sometimes i like aloone as you define that man can choose any thing which he like so he can buy .i like your blog.

  • Hi Kesha,

    Great post! As a single woman with no children, my life shifted when my friends married and had children, so it was either stay at home or go it alone. I chose the latter. I’ll go out to eat by myself, catch a movie, watch a good play or just get in my car and drive. I do enjoy my own company. Because of my keen sense of getting lost, I am not comfortable traveling by myself YET, but I’m getting there. In May I took a chance and went on a trip with a group of ladies who travel(non of whom I knew)prior to the trip. I had a fabulous time! And I’m traveling with the group in December. The downside to going solo is that we are still a couples oriented society, so if you’re a single, you’re still looked at as the odd one out. I find this happens sometimes when I dine out and the hostess wants to sit me in the back or a corner of the restaurant, and I request a different seat.

    • Yep, Stephanie, that’s one more reason I started just doing things alone because others weren’t always available to go with me at the time I wanted to get out and go.

      As far as traveling alone, just get access to a GPS system (app on your phone or an actual GPS device in your car) and you’ll never be lost! 🙂

      I just joined a travel group too so I can start going to more places and I don’t those people either (yet anyway). So that’s another way to meet new people (I used meetup.com to find groups of people with similar interests as me). Fun fun!

      And I don’t know if I’ve encountered being sat in the back or anything. Usually, they seat me at a table for 2 or I’ll sit at the bar if I feel like watching TV or something. If available, I do try to sit near windows or spaces where I can people watch! 🙂

  • Shermika

    So often, people waste their lives away waiting for someone to go somewhere with them. As you said, being alone and being lonely are NOT the same thing. I have learned to go places by myself, and it’s actually pretty fun. This is a great article Kesha, one that many single women should read. In order to know yourself, you need to be with yourself BY YOURSELF!

    • Yes girl, being by oneself is sometimes the best way to get to know oneself, without distraction! Glad you have fun doing things alone! Thank you for sharing as always!! *hugs*

  • Hello!

    After having lived alone for over six years (in college and then work!) I am pretty comfortable going out and venturing out alone! I think you just need to have some idea of the place you are going to, be a little familiar with the language of the place and know the safe from the unsafe!

    Though shoes and bag shopping is best done with some lady company!

    • LOL Hajra, we can go bag and shoes shopping anytime! 🙂

  • Not many people are comfortable just being …
    You radiate warmth wherever you go and people gravitate to you naturally … so you are not really alone for long 😉

    • Hey boo! Just BEing….yes, sometimes I think that’s all some people need to move forward…be BY themselves WITH themselves…

      Sometimes that warmth thing can be a ‘curse’ though…So when I am alone while out and wanna just be, it never fails that someone comes up and talks to me at the moment I don’t feel like talking! LOL But it’s all good. I’m glad I have that ‘gravitational pull’ 😉

  • I’m much like you nowadays, Kesha. While I love being around positive people, I have no problem whatsoever being alone or going to places I’ve never been before alone. That’s how we grow and thrive into the individuals we desire most to be in life.

    Most people have built a fortress of comfort around themselves, and won’t let anything or anyone inside of it. Let alone step outside of it themselves. If they were to do so, they feel it would cause a disruption of some kind in their lives. Little do they ever consider tearing down those limiting walls and doing things they’ve never done before. If it means going some where they’ve never been, where they won’t know anyone; so be it.

    Little do they ever consider that therein lies freedom, opportunities, and a world of possibilities, just waiting to be discovered. 🙂

    Awesome message here, young lady!

    • Deeeeeeeeeeee-eee-eeee-e! Yes, I was singing that LOL

      You’re another one I would already assume would be comfortable being somewhere alone (just replied to same to Adrienne’s comment). That part of you shows in your writings and I just felt that about you. Surely can’t wait to meet you in person one of these days too! 🙂

  • Oh hell yes, I’ve been going out alone for years girl! Doesn’t bother me in the least.

    Most of my friends had significant others or they would tell me their other halves don’t want them to go out with me. You know, those controlling kind. So I just decided a long time ago that my life is not going to stop because I can’t find anyone to go to dinner with me or the show. Heck, I even go dancing by myself and I’ll get up on the dance floor by myself too. Doesn’t bother me in the least. Call me crazy I don’t care.

    I’ve even been on a cruise by myself too Kesha so I know what you mean about traveling. I’m always aware of my surroundings but I don’t live in fear. I’m cautious but I’m going to live my life too.

    I actually feel sorry for those people who won’t go out alone. Like you said, if they don’t enjoy their own company then how do they expect others to as well. Oh yeah, that’s SO my line girl.

    ~Adrienne

    • I knew with your personality, Adrienne, you’d be right there with me! Yes, being cautious and being fearful are 2 different things. Like I mentioned, we have to be cautious in our everyday surroundings so going somewhere else won’t be any different!

      I sooooo can’t wait to meet you in person one day!! I bet we’ll have so much fun. *adds your location to my travel list* 🙂

    • Pam S

      Adrienne – you’re the twin sister I never knew I had!! Lol

  • BigTickles

    I love going out and travelling alone. However, I have yet to make an overseas trip solo. I might start out small; need to put it on my bucket list.

    • Hey BigTickles! If you go overseas, let me know where you’re going so I can sneak in your luggage (I’ll pay for the overage fees!). 🙂

  • I understand what you are saying. I am one of those people who cannot and wont go out alone. I just really hate traveling alone. It is not that I am scared or anything, I just don’t like it. Most of all what I hate is eating alone in restaurants, if there is no one with me I wont go and eat on my own. It doesn’t matter how much hungry I am I just wont go.

    • Okay Thomas, I want you to try going out along at least once. Maybe try some place where there isn’t much interaction needed anyway like the movies or a museum. 🙂

      What do ya think?

  • Pam S.

    Call me crazy but i tend to pause when it comes to going out with groups. Lol So, going out alone is the default for me!! I do most things alone and am completely at ease with it. My experience is that it’s not as uncomfortable as it seems. You will definitely attract people because you’re seen as a ultra confident person and people are naturally drawn to that. I ALWAYS have met people when out alone. I say just go for it. Live YOUR life and care less about what people think about YOU. Period…..

    • Ahhh, Pam, that’s a good way of putting it. People are drawn to confident people naturally so I surely agree. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your feedback and definitely for adding that last bit…be YOU and don’t worry about what others think! *fist bump*

      • Pam S

        You’re so welcome. I’m so glad I found your blog. So much good reading on here 🙂 Good job!!!!

        • You’ve just made my day with that comment Pam!!! *hugs* 🙂

  • It is a very interesting article. I never really thought in this direction. I mean I don’t like going out alone but once in a while I do like to stay alone, so what does that make me? I can actually do all the things in your list but the simple fact of the matter is that I don’t want to. I mean who likes going out alone, all it does is make you feel lonely and miserable.

  • Frankly, I despise being alone but I recognize the need for it sometimes. Independence can be exciting! Thanks.

  • executive search

    Hey Lakesha! You definitely nailed it–Given the chance, I would love to do things by myself every now and then. Going shopping alone and taking your sweet time is simply the best! Thanks!

  • Kimberly Gauthier

    I don’t mind going places locally alone. I often treat myself to lunch and just take a book with me. But traveling alone freaks me out. This past weekend I went to Las Vegas to speak at a conference and I was freaked about it for weeks. I almost canceled, but I knew that this was such an amazin gopportunity that I couldn’t miss out.

    Now I can’t wait forthe next time. I’ll still be freaked, but maybe less so.

  • Kelly

    I’m really not the type to go to places alone. In fact, I have never felt alone in my life yet. I’ve always sought for my friend’s and family’s companionship. Maybe I’ll try it once just to break those barriers and put myself in a situation beyond my comfort zone.

  • Though at times, I feel like it is very unsafe to go on places alone – there are also times when I feel like having a road trip all by myself.

  • I don’t really fear going to any place all by myself. I’m the adventurous type and I have faith in God that He won’t let anything bad to happen to me.

  • Hey Kesha, I go places on my own all the time! There are still things that I’d rather do with another person because they are group affairs but I’m totally with you on this – I’ve been on holiday on my own (not often but I’ve done it more than once), been to driving and track days on my own, loads of things. It felt good too, to know I could do those things.

  • Jimson Paul

    Hey nice article.Even i go alone to many place now. Earlier i use to go out with my friends or family but never use to go out alone but the moment i started going alone i felt a lot of difference, we can go anywhere we want, do whatever we want no one to tell you how to enjoy your life. Nice article i will share this with my friends for sure.

  • Jeo

    Well I know there are some people who get scared to go out alone and I find it amusing. I mean they are adults who are handicapped by their own fear of being alone. I really don’t know why they wont even try to overcome. The only person you can trust in the whole world is yourself and if you cant even spend sometime alone then there is something really wrong. They should really try to be alone for sometime everyday that helps to think better and more clearly.

  • Well I agree that people at times should go out alone. But going out alone too often is also not nice because that makes you a loner. There should be some kind of balance between the two things. Balance in life is necessary in order to lead a healthy and good life.

  • Joretta Long

    I love going places with myself–Especially the movies. Also, I go walking and hit the gym with myself a lot too. It just feels better that way. If its not just me, its me and my youngest daughter, Princess😊😊 she’s the best company anyone could ever have. Maybe because she’s considered a high functioning autistic. That has to stop being a label…. A disability… Its simply a personality to me…. But anyway, I’m just way more comfortable doing whatever I do— alone— most of the time. I do it as fast or slow as I need to, I stay as long as I want to or leave as quickly as I want, I can be myself, laugh at stuff that aint funny, look naturally mean and not feel weird about it, talk to strangers and feel good about it, flirt with guys and allow my alter ego come forward without feeling shy and exposed, etc etc….. Its just better this way. Being myself around people makes them feel uncomfortable and in return, they make me feel uncomfortable, so I’d just rather enjoy my life with myself. Everyone wins 😊😊😊😊

    • Hey Joretta! Thanks for stopping by and I’m totally with you! You sound like we could be sisters from different misters! LOL

      • Joretta Long

        Lol 😊😊😊😊 😍😍😍😍