everything you want is on the other side of fear

Isn’t it funny how so many of us are afraid to step outside of our comfort zones – even if it holds us back from achieving our dreams? 

What if you could step over to the other side of fear, what would you do? 

Fear could ultimately keep you “stuck” for a lifetime, preventing you from reaching your hopes and goals in all areas including career, relationships, even travel (I know people who won’t even cross the state lines from Illinois into Missouri!).  It is really amazing the hold that fear can have over your life – but you CAN find your courageous self and break through to the other side!

What’s on the other side of fear, really? 

Growth, success, happiness, self-confidence, empowerment, mo’ money, mo’ opportunities, mo’, mo’, mo’ – and most of all, freedom! Doesn’t that sound freakin’ fabulous!?!?

So then what causes us to be so fearful, to be afraid to take that next step?  Much of it is mindset and the control our minds have over what we do or do not do in life.  Remember, you control your mind, not the other way around.

Another school of thought says that we are simply afraid of failure AND/OR afraid of success. What’s your take on this?

Either way, let’s admit it – it’s much easier to stay in our comfort zones with things that are familiar, even if life is a total suckfest.  Sometimes boring or mundane is comfortable, but does it take you anywhere?  Think about your knowledge, expertise, the experience you have in life.  Maybe you work at a dead-end job and deep down inside you know you’re much better, that you could DO better for yourself, but it’s just easier to stay in your dead-end job.  Too much effort, too much of a risk; there are countless excuses!

The Crossover…

So, how can you cross over to the other side of fear, a place where you will find your courage, confidence and ultimately your dreams?

  • Remember that fear can be overcome, and that it is not permanent.  It is simply a state of mind.
  • Rather than trying to eliminate fear altogether, we must learn how to live with it and put it in its place. Smack it down and let it know who’s boss! It’s okay to be afraid every now and then; just don’t let it stop you in your efforts to accomplish your aspirations.
  • With that said, don’t expect fear to completely disappear, but expect and KNOW that you can manage it.  Try new things, take that step that scares the holy crap out of you – every time you do, it gets easier!
  • Understand that you must take calculated risks.  You can’t sit idly by on the sidelines and expect your fears to go away because you clicked your heels 3 times (believe me, I tried that!).  Whether you take small or big steps, defy your fears and keep stepping forward.  FYI: A calculated risk is one that is focused, well thought out and which you understand completely.  Understanding risks can also help to overcome fear.
  • Turn that fear around to work FOR you.  Here’s what I mean: instead of stress, anxiety or self-doubt being signals that you should not take that next step, let these signals indicate that you SHOULD take that step! The “fear factor” will then be behind you.

Here’s one of the best statements to describe how to put your fear in perspective.  Know this:

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone! tweet-this

Think of all that you are missing out on in life because of fear.  Perhaps you’re passionate about traveling, but you’re scared out of your wits to go alone.  Or, you would love to start an online cooking show but scared to try it. Or, maybe you’d make a great business owner but fear of failure holds you back.  Furthermore, fear doesn’t just apply to the “big” things in life. It applies to your everyday life as well. For instance, you’ve had your eye on someone, but fear hasn’t allowed you to approach him/her yet. Hey, you could be passing up your life partner!

Note to the ladies: It’s the 21st century so feel free to approach men. There’s nothing wrong with that! 🙂

Over to you…

Identify those fears that are preventing you from experiencing the ultimate success and enjoyment in life, and know that you CAN find your courage to step over to the other side of fear! 

What are you waiting for?  What’s holding you back at this very moment? Let’s help each other get past our fears!

Wassuper, it’s yo girl, Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different and challenge what’s “normal!” I am wildly passionate about helping highly driven women pursue fantabulous relationships, juicytastic careers/bizzes, and authentically inspired lives. Let’s work together to rethink, redo, and reinvent so you can live life YOUR way!
Everything You Want is on the Other Side of Fear

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  • Well said Kesha, bravo girl!

    I love that statement, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone!” I for one know that’s the truth.

    I got laid off back in 2007, our company was downsizing. I was the low girl on the totem pole so I was one of them to go. Now I’m a planner. I did the corporate thing because I like to know how much money is coming in and on what day. I don’t do spontaneous and I don’t take risks. BUT, I was sick and tired of what I was doing and didn’t want to be unhappy for the rest of my life.

    Had I not stepped outside my comfort zone I would have never ventured online and started my own business. I would never have even thought that I could work from home, it’s always just been a dream. I had no idea how I was going to accomplish that but I just knew I wanted to give it a go.

    We have to take those risks. I think if you look back on your life you want to be able to say I took those chances. You’ll know what works and doesn’t but do you really want to lead such a boring life?

    I say go for it. Trust me, the journey itself is worth it.

    ~Adrienne

    • Boy am I glad you moved outside of your comfort zone, Adrienne! The online world would be lost without YOU!! I surely am grateful for you in my life and extremely happy that you made that step for yourself!!

      The journey IS worth it 🙂

      *hugs*

  • Kim

    Hi Kesha!
    It was great meeting you at the social media event the other night. I love your dynamic personality and drive for success. I am inspired and this article hit home as well!! I love to do stuff that scares me!

    Kim

    • Heeeey Kim, so grateful for you stopping by and sharing your feedback!

      “I do a lot of stuff that scares me!” << you GO girl! That is extremely awesome and I'm sure with that attitude you get to do a lot of what you want despite fear. Now let's share that attitude with others 😉 Talk soon!

  • Wonderful post Kesha!

    Oh yes! Fear IS something that can really bring us down. It just won’t let you progress or achieve your goals.

    I remember I had also written a post sometime back on how we should not fear failures or our own fears. And the only way to do that is to face them and fight them out. Loved your quote – “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!” – It sure does. 🙂

    I guess when and if we really want something, we will fight our fears and reach out – provided there is a strong will to do so – isn’t it? If we remain within our comfort zones and keep away from our fears, because of the fear of failure – we can never really achieve anything.

    Thanks for sharing and making us realize this important aspect. 🙂

    • And thank you Harleena for stopping through and sharing your feedback!

      Glad you enjoyed this one! I, too, think that our desires can sometimes stomp our fear, nip it in the bud and allow us to move forward despite our fears!

      Talk soon deary!

  • Hi Kesha, nice to meet you (courtesy of Adrienne and a share on G+)!!

    Fear is huge and this is such a great article. The thing is, I’ve found out time and time again that most fears are not borne out in reality but that there’s no easy way to get rid of the little bugger – in many ways you just have to look at it, and say ‘Oh it’s you again, thanks for your opinion, have a nice day!’

    But there are ways of mitigating against it – knowledge is power and fear is often just a lack of information where we’ve imagined outcomes and conclusions which may or may not exist. Go out there, communicate, find out what the real scene is before deciding there is something to be afraid of.

    Thanks for posting and I look forward to more from you.

    • Seems we have a few people in common from our networks Roz!

      Ha, I like that acknowledgement statement you use! I’m gonna have to share that! I just responded to another commenter that fear is mostly due to lack of information.

      Thank you so much for your valuable feedback and look forward to connecting with you a whole lot more deary!

  • That was a perfect tweetable.

    Fear is so annoying! Rationally you know you shouldn’t have these weird little hangups but it doesn’t help to “know” you’re thinking like a crazy person, because some of those fears stick like glue.

    My biggest fear is usually looking stupid. It doesn’t matter how many successes I can count in reality because my brain has decided that everything that comes out of my mouth or my keyboard is going to be stupid. Everything I write, say, every step I take is going to make other people stop and stare and think…. holy cow, that chick is pretty stupid.

    That’s my confession of the day!

    How to get over it??? Convincing myself every second of the day that I’m stupid for thinking it, lol.

    • And thank you for sharing on twitter Carol! *hugs*

      Well, take it from me, you’re definitely NOT stupid. That HAS to be a belief from a long time ago that’s still in play and glad that you’re working on it and know that it’s not true!

      Let me know if you need me to give you a little (friendly) slap to remind you that you are smart, intelligent, fabulous, successful, and any other positive, TRUE statement I can give you! 🙂

  • Kesha, I am so glad we are virtual friends. Your posts always resonate with me. Wish you were a California Girl and I could meet you in person!

    • No worries CherBear, that just means I need to make it out to Cali to meet you in person! Gives me a reason to travel (like I needed one!) 😉

      And if you’re ever in the midwest (I’m in St. Louis but I can make moves to you), hit me up!

      • That would be cool. 🙂

        My grandpa was born in St. Louis. Maybe I’ll get there one of these days!

  • Hi Kesha!
    inspirational blog to us.i heard that there is victory of ahead of the fear.so don’t fear from the fear.you should think that you can be done this work.i like your blog.

  • Hi Kesha,

    Ah fear! I’ve written quite a few articles on this very interesting subject myself. I know a lot about it because, basically I was raised with it. And no I’m not talking about fear of being beatten up by my parents, NO, none of this, but fear of not being able to…. fill the blank…. everything…

    Today, I conquered most of my fears, but it’s still a working process, and by teaching others how to conquer theirs it’s also a therapy for the teacher, isn’t it?

    Thank you for this great insight 🙂

    • Yes, absolutely!! That’s something I learned as I started journaling years ago. I would write as if I had an audience and as I wrote, it became so therapeutic for me. It’s another reason I started this blog. No, I don’t know everything and am simply going through life learning and sharing lessons and hope at least one person takes heed from my journey. 🙂

  • Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.

    Trish Savoia had a similar theme- from the point of view of parenting. As I said there (http://absoluteawareness.wordpress.com/2012/09/27/the-irrational-but-real-fears-of-mothers/) fear is irrational. We need to recognize that we cannot possibly control everything (anything- other than our selves and our reactions to the events)… so, adjust your thoughts and learn to manage yourself best, use the fear (OK, don’t try to stop a man with a bazooka aimed at you) to guide your actions in a relatively safe fashion- and move forward.

    • LOL at stopping the man with the bazooka! I love your perspective, Roy, and yes, fear is definitely irrational and doesn’t serve us much good. When I do my self-therapy sessions (LOL) and ask myself what I’m afraid of, the answers are totally emotional and don’t make much sense OR if they are “valid” (from past events/concerns), I can work through those pretty quickly now too (at least a lot faster than what I was able to years ago). Progress! 🙂

      Thank you for your valuable feedback! 🙂

  • I’ve had to learn to stop listening to others. Many people put down my dream of being a full time blogger, because their own dreams were realized or because they just have little imagination. In the end, it’s all up to me.

    I look at fear as a closed door. A door I’m afraid to open because the boogie man is on the other side; but when I do open it, there’s a basket of whatever my favorite thing of the moment is 😉

    Kimberly

    • Heeeeeeey Kimberly!! Girl, you said it! Most of the time, that’s what’s all about – to stop listening to others.

      So glad you came through and shared your feedback! *hugs*

  • Sue Price

    Hi Kesha

    I love the title of this post – so true! Wow fear is a big one and sometimes we do not know it is running some part of our life.

    I like other people have worked through many different fears but there are still some to go. I used to think once I overcame a fear the rest would go but not so.

    I was terrified of heights until my late thirties. Then I went abseiing. I was so scared but once I did it I felt so good. I can often go back to that feeling of abseiling when something is in my way.

    You asked what our take was on failure being either the fear of failure or success. I sort of agree but if you take fears like heights, thunder being mugged then I am not sure they fit into that box.

    Great post thanks.

    Sue

    • Yes, Sue, regarding fear of failure or success, it’s mostly about how we limit ourselves in the achievement of things. However, I also think that even with the fear of heights, thunder, being mugged, it’s all about information (usually the lack thereof), too much worrying about things that may never be, and/or psychological issues. For me, with a fear of heights, I don’t like the feeling in my gut when falling fast speeds. If it’s slow movement, I’m okay being up high (this is why I loved the experience of parasailing; I was up high in the air chilling and relaxing; but I don’t care much for roller coasters with almost 90 degree drops!). 🙂

      Thanks so much for sharing your feedback!

  • Wow wow wow! I did not even have to read the whole post (even though I did) because the title of the article spoke to me.

    • Heeeey and welcome! Thanks for dropping by! *waves*

      I’m glad the title “tickled” your fancy LOL 😉

      Checked out your profile on Blog to Lose and think you’d be interested in the 30 day Mind, Body, Soul challenge I’m doing on Facebook this month. It’s all about creating new and better habits to get what we want in all areas of our lives! Come join me!

      ~Kesha

  • I like this post and fully agree with its premise. I’ve been talking a lot about fear and overcoming it myself lately. I’m working on my own mind in overcoming things that I know hold me back here and there, and I’m not sure if it’s fear or just being too close to those I’m marketing to and thus I’m reluctant; I guess that’s fear in its own way.

    • Yep, Mitch, you said it – that is fear in a way. There’s a reason you’re reluctant – fear of disapproval (or fill in the blank) because they ARE close to you. Sometimes I fall back to the Pro/Con list to help me logically make decisions LOL. Sometimes that helps me move past fear because if my list starts to look like everything is emotional or illogical, I start to understand what it is I’m actually afraid of or worrying about. 🙂

      Maybe in the end, those you are marketing to really needs what you have to share…my 2 cents 🙂