“There is a term in the English language that we use to refer to the negative issues and conditions that one brings along with them to a new relationship. It’s a term that indicates unresolved conflicts, interpersonal issues and ghosts from our past.”  – John Sklare, Lifescript

It’s called Baggage!

We all have it – that “stuff” we bring with us as we travel from relationship to relationship. We’re all bag ladies or bag guys. But to what extent?

Are you the epitome of a bag lady or guy? The one who continues to collect emotional baggage and carries its burden with him/her everywhere he/she goes, causing subsequent damage in new relationships, romantic or otherwise?

Erykah Badu’s Bag Lady is the best song I know which depicts how relationship baggage can be damaging. I’ve included the video of the song below for your listening pleasure 🙂

A snippet of the lyrics from Bag Lady:

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you


Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can’t hurry up 
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
****** take off runnin
From you it’s true oh yes they do

The theme here is that one can’t move forward in a new relationship with all the nonsense he/she holds on to from old ones – i.e. the effects of dishonesty, distrust, low self-esteem, disrespect, betrayal, lack of self-love, rejection, abuse – I can go on but you get the drift.

The worst is when people are in denial and blame everyone else for their continued failed relationships. It’s always someone else’s fault. I am often shocked and appalled that these same people don’t realize they are the control or the consistent variable in this equation which is what needs to be checked, not everyone else!

Erykah Badu – Bag Lady

Getting rid of emotional baggage

John Sklare suggests we all do a personal baggage check. Declare one piece you no longer want to carry with you so you can start traveling lighter with less personal baggage.

So the million dollar question is what are you ready to leave behind to lighten the emotional baggage load? Do you recognize even when its there and rears its ugly head? How has it affected you? Think about the baggage you carry and identify one piece you would like to let go. Please feel free to share! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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Wassuper, it’s yo girl, Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different and challenge what’s “normal!” I am wildly passionate about helping highly driven women pursue fantabulous relationships, juicytastic careers/bizzes, and authentically inspired lives. Let’s rethink, redo, and reinvent YOU so you can live life YOUR way!
Baggage Check: Get Your Relationships in Order
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  • My oh my — if you didn’t hit the nail right on the head with this one!!!

    Everything that you said is SO true!!! We keep asking for something new in our lives, yet we keep trying and doing all in our power to hold on to the old–it’s crazy!

    This doesn’t apply just to people but to things too! So many times we hold onto tons of extra stuff because it has “sentimental value”. –why? That’s actually what I’m going through right now–ridding myself of all of the people ~and~ things that I was holding on to just for “sentimental value”. Like you (and Erykah Badu) said: it’s all nothing but alot of extra emotional baggage that we don’t need & will only slow us down from getting our future blessings. ~Thanks for sharing!

    • Thanks deary! You are absolutely right about this applying to things as well as people. As a simple ‘letting go’ gesture, I just gave away a bunch of clothes and purses in my closet. My thought is it will make way for all the new stuff I’ll reward myself with this year!! 🙂

      Always grateful for your feedback!


  • Great post, Kesha! Getting rid of baggage one at a time is thought provoking and doable.

    • Thanks Cher Bear! I like that you said ‘one at a time’….it’s already hard enough to get rid of baggage so doing so slowly but surely can prove to be successful! 🙂

      Another thing is it takes time to let go of stuff…and it’s harder to let go of the old when one is piling on something new (getting into a new relationship)…


  • Janet Bocciardi

    It’s so easy for me to see the baggage other folks carry than the varied ones I do. I’ve definitely been finding myself the more I let go. Thanks for the post!

    • Janet, I think the older we get, the more we do find ourselves. I’m glad you are!

      Thanks for commenting and hope to see you back soon!

  • Muffin

    This is one the best blogs!!! Thank you for sharing… But please stop talking about me & so many of my friends. Especially my male brothers who motto is to get over one girl you get another…meanwhile creating disasters like Katrina along their path. It takes self evaluation & self love to heal before you can move on. For me…it took meeting a few hurricanes to get it.

    Keep them coming, UC!

    -BL aka Muffin

    • Thank you so much for your kind words on the blog Muffin 🙂 Sometimes we have to weather the storm before we can learn the lesson. You have spoken true words here and I’m grateful for your feedback!

      Here’s to hoping this post doesn’t talk about you and your friends this year 😉

      Hope to see you back soon!

  • I love this post. It is so right on and that is one of my all time favorite songs!!! One piece of baggage I’m ready to permanetly check is self blame and self doubt. I think, in my need to control things I’ve often blamed myself for not recognizing liars, cheaters, and users right away when in relaity they are responsible for their misdeeds. And while I can learn for futured situations I don’t need to blame myself or doubt my own judgement because of them.

    • Sounds like you already have this under control deary which is great! And I’m glad you realize it’s not your fault for what others have done. Deciding to do something different or tolerate what their doing are your options.

      Just be sure to not blame the next one for the what the previous one did…trust me, it will make for a better collaboration!

      Thanks for stopping in boo!


  • Great post! I think we all need to look at ourselves and realize that we are the constant equation in relationships. Thanks for sharing with us. This is right on and I enjoyed this.


    • Hey Kevin, thanks so much for stopping by from #commenthour!

      You know, if more people thought like us (the fact that they’re the constant and quit blaming everybody else!), then we’d be in a much better place.

      Glad you enjoyed Kevin!
      Talk soon,


  • Great stuff!

    I travel a lot and always feel better when I bring less. What a great image to contemplate as it applies to my relationships. My current relationship is way less baggage intensive, but I still find myself jettisoning a stray piece here and there.

    Perfect song, too!

    I found you via last night’s #commenthour, by the way. 🙂

    • It’s so awesome that you stopped over from #commenthour. I soooo appreciate it!

      I am firm believer that “less is more” especially when it pertains to the topic of relationships.

      Thanks so much for your valuable comment and hope to see you back soon!


  • Stopping over from #commenthour . Love the design elements of your blog. It has given me some ideas for the future! Your personality really shows in your bio 🙂

    • Susan, giving you hugs for supporting the blog from #commenthour and your awesome comments on the design!! *hugs*

      I’m glad you got some ideas and if you need any assistance with them, please don’t hesitate to let me know! 🙂


  • One thing that I agree with is you cannot make it in a new relationship if you are holding onto stuff from the old one that you just got out of. Remember that you are with a new person and not all people are the same. Just because the last one cheated on you doesn’t mean that this one is going to.

    • True words Matt and thank you for sharing!

      It makes sense to me to do a review of what happened (good, bad, and ugly) and spend time with self first before moving to a new relationship. People have a hard time being by themselves for some reason and that is a huge reason they don’t even know they’re carrying luggage!


  • Sophia

    Thank you for your sharing, and it is a great post. I like the way of you writing. I admit that I always bring with the emotional luggage with me, which really has a bad influence on my work and life. So I often remind that it is nothing, just keep up and start a new relationship. It really needs too much effort to do it.

    • Hey Sophia, that’s a great reminder to yourself to just start new and start fresh. Leave the old baggage along. This is also why I like to advise people to not move so fast to the next relationship in order to spend time with self and evaluate things.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts!


  • I can honestly say this was me 20 years ago. I remember my friend telling me to listen to this song years ago and when I heard it was a ugly realization. We have all done it from time to time and I see men do it constantly. That’s one thing we can also overlook and not realize we are doing when we do enter a new relationship. That’s when you need to step back, take a break, heal before meeting someone new. If you don’t your “luggage” is only to follow every where you go.

    • We should take this show on the road because soooo many other people (especially women) need to hear these words! 🙂

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