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Differences Between Men and Women (Humor)

difference-between-men-women

 

Men and women have some unique qualities. Here are some funny, yet mostly true, differences between men and women. Enjoy!

Weddings:

When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about “the ceremony”. Men talk about “the bachelor party”. In addition, a wedding dress cost $5,000. A tuxedo rental – 100 bucks.

Dressing up:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Offspring:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Directions:

If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there”, and, “I know I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store”.

Menopause:

When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction–he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

Going out:

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

Bathrooms:

A man has at most six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Sex:

Women prefer 30 – 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 – 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Eating Out:

When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back. When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money:

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs. A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn’t need, because it’s on sale.

Arguments:

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Future:

A woman worries about the future — until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future — until he gets a wife.

Success:

A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife. A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

Marriage:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

Travel:

Men can go on a week’s vacation and pack only one suitcase. Women can go on a weekend trip and have 2 carry ons, a large suitcase, and a garment bag.

Tools:

Men don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a screw. Women have to recite, “Righty-tighty, lefty-Lucy.”

Final Thought…

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

Your turn…

What are some other differences between men and women? Please share your feedback below!

Image Credit / Jokes Credit

Who am I? I’m Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios and that life is more interesting when you dare to be different! I’m also a WordPress Web Designer, a writer, an online marketer, speaker, board game player, a student of the Universe, and all around cool chick. Oh, did I mention I can be bribed with Oreos. ;-) Connect with me on Twitter, Facebook or Google + and say hi. Don’t be shy! Also, sign up via the RSS Feed to keep up with the latest posts on the blog.
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