This post is part of the series of letters to our younger selves, sending them hope, courage, and the love it takes to grow older and wiser. My hope is that this series will encourage others, young and old, to be a better version of themselves starting right now, today!

hand drawn purple line

A Message Sent to Yennie Through Space & Time

Dealing with imperfections, weirdness, and ugliness. A letter to my younger self by Eyenie Schultz of LucidMusing.com

Dear Yennie,

There are so many things I want to tell you!  So many ways I want to go back in time and help make your life easier, but I know that everything that happened was perfect.  Right now, in this instant, as I write this, I’m traveling through space, time and dimensions to get this information to you and help you feel better about your existence…to alleviate you and give you a glimpse of the radiant light at the end of the dark tunnel.

yennie1
Elementary School

Little Yennie in the above photo was taught that girls have to be pretty and well-mannered.  You took that to mean that maybe you weren’t.  You started overachieving, people pleasing, exceeding expectations in other areas to make up for your perceived ugliness and not-enoughness.  I want to tell you that you were always pretty and kind and compassionate—all little girls are.  Please don’t spend so much time trying to be pretty and perfect to those around you.  You have always been enough.

 

yennie2
My name is Jenny?

And remember how you thought the name Eyenie was too “weird” and you wanted to “blend in” and “be normal” so you asked your mom to register you in school as “Jenny”?  Her spelling betrayed you and for all of elementary and middle school, you were called “Yennie” instead.  It kind of made you feel even weirder.  I want to tell you that people think your real name Eyenie, is lovely, exotic and unique…just like you.  There is no such thing as “normal”.  Embrace your freak.

 

Middle School
Middle School

You rebelled by not rebelling at all.  By doing your best to be as good as possible.  Look at this room in perfect order.  You’re sitting, all prim and proper, trying to earn this award every day of your life.  I want to tell you from my heart that nobody is perfect, no matter how hard they try.  And though this may surprise you, nobody is actually expecting all of this from you!  And going against the grain and speaking up and disobeying and just being yourself is all natural and healthy.  It’s what 12-year olds are supposed to do!  I want you to live a little!  And not loathe yourself when you color and live outside of the lines.  Love yourself and be compassionate.

 

Yennie 4
Feeling hideous…

Here you felt hideous. Frustrated. Defeated. It was hard work getting straight As, keeping the house spick-and-span, taking care of your sister and supporting your mom emotionally.  Give yourself a break!  You are doing the best you can, and it is truly good enough.  Tweens aren’t expected to help raise kids, earn extra money by babysitting and take care of everyone around them.  I want you to release some of the responsibility that is not yours, and lower the expectations you have on yourself.  And sometimes, getting a B or C or even D puts some hair on your chest, and gives your soul some rest.  In case you were wondering, things get waaaay better later on.  WAY.  So just be patient. 

 

yennie5
Playing Dress-up

Dress-up was one of your only escapes.  It felt good to pretend to be a courageous, rocking badass.  I want to let you know that you are all of those things, even in your neat trousers and button-up shirts.  I am sending you the courage to express your style and artistic nature outside of the house!  It is part of you, and there is no reason to fear bringing attention to the creative parts of you.  It’s part of  who you are!

 

yennie6
High School

Here it’s obvious you’re doing everything you can to be invisible.  To disappear.  To not call any attention to yourself.  But, your heart was bursting with creativity and color and happiness, however, you only gave all of that love to others.  You spent your alone time hitting yourself, yelling at yourself for everything you thought you were not.  You stared in the mirror and put scotch tape on your face, trying to see how to make yourself pretty.  You hit yourself and cried often because you were “fat” and “repulsive”, two words that your inner jerkface always spewed out.   You know what?  You were lovely and kind and smart and creative and wonderful!  And being 6”1’ is actually cool when you become an adult.  I want you to know that nobody’s paying as much attention as you think they are.  Further, you don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea (or tall drink of water).  So, just do your thing.

 

yennie7
College

In this photo, you were trying your hardest to dim your razzle-dazzle and light so that others could be in the spotlight.  You are giving your power to your friends more than ever, letting them define and determine who you are, what you like and don’t like, how you think.  It was easier for you to play second fiddle, ride in the sidecar, be the sidekick, hang out in the shadows…  You were terrified that walking to the rhythm you heard in your head and heart would mean losing the people you loved.  You filled the voids you felt with fast food and chocolate that you binged on until you were in pain.  Punishment for being so weak…and so inadequate.  You know what?  I want you to break free and say what you want to say!  Do what you want to do!  It’s your life, and your true friends will love and dig you no matter what.  You don’t have to be a doormat or pushover for people to know you’re nice and kind and generous.  SHINE!!!!!  Let it all hang out!!!

 

Yennie 8
Yennie/Eyenie across all space, time and dimensions

Above all else, just know that everything turns out more than OK.  Happiness is possible, and you do get to experience it.  Self-love exists, and you will revel in it.  Fear is self-inflicted, and you learn tools to deal with it as you continue moving forward, unfrozen.  Nobody can ever please everyone all the time—not even you; you float in the freedom of it.  Just be who you are, embrace your freak show, and remember that you have always been enough.  And you are loved.

Over to you…

To meet other women who are ready to kick childhood and other traumas to the curb and be part of an amazing support network, check out the Sisterhood Tribe.

I’d like to thank Eyenie Schultz, of LucidMusing.com, for her wonderful contribution to this series and allowing us to share in her journey from the “so called imperfections, weirdness, and ugliness” to  the confident, beautiful, ravishing, magical and fabulous uncommon chick she is today!

If you would like to write a letter to your younger self to be featured in this series, contact me. The more the merrier! :-)

Wassuper, it’s yo girl, Kesha and I believe we should Be the Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios because life is more interesting when you dare to be different and challenge what’s “normal!” I am wildly passionate about helping highly driven women pursue fantabulous relationships, juicytastic careers/bizzes, and authentically inspired lives.

Dear Younger Self: Dealing With Imperfections, Weirdness, and Ugliness
  • What a fabulous idea to write a love letter thru time. Such an opportunity for healing and to re-write the stories that we told ourselves growing up.

    I’m all about letting your freak flag fly and embracing all of who you are so you can SHINE BRIGHT…so this post deeply resonates with me..plus I am a fan of Eyenie!

    • YAY! I know Leah, right? I ADORE this idea and am so grateful to Kehsa! And it was very powerful to write this out, tell you what! Thank you so much for your kind words, fellow Freak 🙂 And I’m definitely a fan of yours, too!!!

  • Beautiful post. I’ve gotten to know Eyenie through her blog and she always amazes me with her insights and freak flag flying ways. Pretty sure she was just as awesome as a kid, too, had I know her then.

    • I wish I had spent more time just “being me” and appreciating it instead of focusing on what I didn’t like…alas! Lesson learned, and to-be passed onto my spawn. Lil’ Yennie says thank you sooo much for your lovely words, Christie! 🙂

  • Helen Crosbie

    Wow, so heartfelt, authentic and raw! I could relate to so much of that and it was painful and heartening at the same time.
    It can be so tough when you’re a kid and you feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It was such a relief for me to become an adult, take control of my life and put to rest all the lies I’d believed growing up about being ugly and useless.
    Thank you for sharing wonderful sparkly Eyenie, this has been a balm to my soul xoxo

    • Oh Helen, isn’t it mega cray-cray how we lug all that shiz around as kids? Man alive! I felt that same sort of relief you mention…It’s good to be a grown-up and have this magical healing hindsight, right?! Thank YOU amazing Helen!!!

  • I’m starting my love letter today! xx

    • Perfect Danielle! I can’t wait. 🙂

    • I love hearing that!! Definitely do it, and feel the magic!! 🙂

  • Wow Kesha,

    I agree with everyone else, what Yennie shared with us here is so raw and honest. I know so many kids that had such a hard time in their younger years. I guess to an extent I did but for the most part I was just very true to myself and really didn’t give a rats ass what others thought.

    I wasn’t gorgeous, I was a little overweight, I didn’t do the “in” things, I was myself and proud of it. It’s really funny that after high school all the football stars that wouldn’t pay me the time of day all of a sudden wanted to be my friend. Yeah, up yours is what I told them.

    I’d have to think what kind of letter I’d write myself but thanks for the inspiration.

    You ladies rock on!

    ~Adrienne

    • Badass Adrienne! It makes me soooo giddy to hear that you were doin’ your thang and feeling good about yourself the whole time!!! YAY! Seriously, three cheers for you 🙂 I feel you on the post-high school mean jock-turned-nice deal! I had that, too…yikes.

      Maybe you can write yourself a letter of accolades, praise and high fives for being so rockin’?! Thank you so much!

  • valerie

    Eyenie, Yennie, Jeedee, Older sister, who helped raise this gal! Thank you so much for having the courage to speak what you felt growing up. Thank you for giving so much of yourself to me and others. Thank you for embarking on the journey to heal everything that we painfully navigated through as children. Even though you never felt it, you were always been the beautiful light beam that lit up my path and rocked my world. I always looked up to you, more like worshiped you! I don’t know how I could have made it through without your strength.
    Thank you for being in the space of love and light that you are in now. I love you, you amazing, creative, fabulous, beautiful, ray of joy, wonder and amazement. We sure have come a loooong way!!!!!!!!

    • Man, Valerie! Why you gotta git the waterworks goin’, ah?! Honestly, thank YOU for existing! You got me through it all, and I have always admired YOU! I am beyond proud of you, and honored to have you as my sister and mentor! And indeed kid sis’…we have come a looooong-ass way! I ADORE YOU!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for reading this and your lovely words!

  • Beautiful Eyenie…I loved the poignant time capsule/letter, complete with pictures… One of the best things about getting older is that ideally we gain so much more perspective, love and compassion for all ourselves, younger, present and all of the other ones. Only knowing you now, in present-time, I can appreciate what a transformative journey it’s been for you, how gracefully you’ve integrated all of the lessons, even when painful

    Much love to you,

  • Amazing Lisa!! Yes, perspective is a glorious gift, isn’t it? It definitely is one of my favorite parts about being a grown up! Thank you so very much for your beautiful words, as always. Big hugs and much sparkly love!! 🙂

credo-thumb

Join the Escape Mob + Get The Escape Normal Credo

 

Get on the list with your fellow Escape Mob'ers and grab your copy of the Escape Normal Credo PLUS you'll be automatically entered in the monthly drawing for cool freebies just to show my appreciation of you being a part of the crew so come on aboard!

 

#iEscapeNormal

redirect=http://uncommonchick.com/escape-mob-ty/