Looking for the One? Can’t wait to find your “soul mate”? Wish you could change your significant other? It’s as simple as looking in the mirror.
I’m sure you wouldn’t argue there are WAY too many mainstream “experts” creating book after magazine after article dedicated to telling people how to find their soul mate or whatever other term you want to call it. While these articles may prove to be helpful at times, they miss the most important thing: the search for the “One” ultimately starts with a deep look inside Oneself.
Well, my girl Tamiko is back with another great lesson – this time in relationships (and if you are perfectly good with this area already, I bet you know someone you can share this knowledge with).
If you ask a woman what qualities she wants in a man, some common responses you might get are that he is good looking, smart/educated, financially stable, funny, successful, ambitious, has a big heart, and the list can go on and on. I personally don’t think there is anything unreasonable about this wish list, BUT…
What if I told you these responses come from a woman who is average looking, of average intellect, who didn’t complete college, whose shopping habits are out of control, has no idea what her credit score is, hasn’t quite discovered what she wants to do for a living, and can’t remember the last time she’s ever contributed anything to charity or helped anyone? Would this list then all of sudden seem sort of unreasonable?
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with having standards for a potential suitor and desiring someone who brings great qualities to the partnership. However, I feel that it’s my civic duty as an American citizen to provide a reality check for some who might not consider whether or not if they can/should bring equal benefits to this table called a relationship!
There’s a once popular R&B song by Lyfe Jennings titled “Statistics” that has a line I could not agree with more. It goes like this:
“Don’t be a nickel out here looking for a dime. Be the person you wanna find.”
In other words, if you know you’re a 5, don’t expect a 10. OUCH! In the olden days of using farm animals to plow fields, no one would ever think to yoke a donkey to an ox to plow the fields together! Now don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with either animal. They both achieve what they are designed to do, but when paired together it can produce disastrous results. The poor donkey gets dragged along through the fields because it can’t pull as much weight as the ox; and of course the ox is frustrated because its pace is being slowed down by the donkey and is more easily exhausted because it’s carrying dead weight. It’s very similar when you pair up with someone unequal to you in life.
It’s only fair that you can equally benefit someone else with your great attributes and qualities. Then, and only then, can you consider this an EQUAL partnership. Now there will always be disparities in a relationship because it’s not 50/50 ALL of the time. However, ask yourself this simple question. Would I want to be in a relationship with someone like me? If you had to hesitate before answering, then you may want to do a little self improvement.
Be the Person You Want to Find
Here are 6 reasons why you want to be the person you want to find:
- It makes for a more compatible union.
- You and your mate actually have a basis to grow together (as opposed to growing apart).
- Both parties can “pull their weight” in the relationship.
- You’ll spend less time in the relationship trying to change each other.
- Iron sharpens iron.
- It’s only fair.
Tamiko is a freelance inspirational writer, speaker, educator and business owner. Her passion to see people live out their true life’s purpose and reach their potential comes across in all that she does, whether it’s working with children or adults. To learn more about her work as a Startup Consultant and Identity Coach, visit Pursue Your Purpose. To see more of her inspirational articles please visit http://www.examiner.com/evangelical-in-st-louis/tamiko-cuellar.
Over to you…
Relationships are reflective in nature, regardless of the type of relationship it is. That which we envy, covet, desire or hate in another is very likely calling for us to look closer at self. Being confident in ourselves and with who we are can attract others into our lives who are confident with themselves and are ready to contribute to a successful union. So, I say instead of making an impractical wishlist of what you want in another person, create the list of the items you can bring to the table. Don’t require what you can’t give in return.
We’d love to hear your thoughts about this topic guys. Weigh in!